Career Day
by TheJabberwocker
Summary: When the Justice League decides the Titans need some guidance each teen is paired with a veteran crime fighter. Meanwhile the villains of the DC Universe decide Slade could use some advice. Hilarity ensues. Slight RavenXBB, RobinXStarfire. Please review.
1. The Madness Begins

**Chapter 1 **

Robin woke up with the dawn to a bleak dreary morning. He rubbed the sleep from his mask covered eyes and cracked his neck. With a yawn he left his room in search of food. He walked down the dark hallway and approached the Kitchen through the automatic doors. Just as his hand reached for the cupboard for a bowl, he noticed it. The crimson light blinked from its electronic host. The answering machine beckoned hypnotically. Without much thought Robin hit the play button. Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

* * *

Raven stood near the water's edge on the Titan's private island, watching as the raging surf crashed over the rocks and rushed foaming over her feet. She made no motion to avoid the waves or the pouring rain, but merely stood there unblinkingly. There was a low rumble of thunder, breaking the soothing, monotonous rhythm of aquatic percussion. Her face was blank as her emotional plane. She felt oddly content with feeling nothing. There was the crunching of rocks shifting under footsteps, signaling another's arrival. The rain suddenly stopped connecting with her head. Her violet eyes glanced backwards and connected with her teammates green ones.

"You're in my thinking spot..." He said plainly, smirking ever so slightly, a fang emerging from between his lips. He'd grown more handsome, his face had thinned, his posture had become straighter, he'd even finally gained a few inches on her. In one hand Beast Boy held aloft a simple black umbrella, guarding them both from the elements. With two fingers he placed a piece of warm metal in her hand.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he said.

"You seem to give me these a lot..." she said staring into her open palm.

**"**Let's try not losing this one in hellfire shall we?"

She blinked. It was strange how easily he'd brought up such a touchy subject. She was not bothered by such audacity, more perplexed by his ability to discern the subject of her reverie.

"I don't understand it," she said after a moment.

"What?"

"I'm free. Free to hate, free to love, free to express everything I am... But I'm still me. My Father's dead, I don't need to worry about releasing him on the world through my emotions, and yet I haven't changed." She said it softly, hardly breaking her monotone, eyes fixed on the shifting tide. She sat on the sand just beyond the water's reach. There was a slight pause before he crouched next to her.

"Why would you want to change?" Beast Boy said from beside her.

"I just feel like if I wasn't so introverted, so frigid, just so creepy, it would make life so much easier."

"I'd trade easier for more interesting any day..." Her friend smiled.

"Maybe if I was more like you or Starfire..." She said slowly.

"I don't think the world could take two me's," He contemplated as he sat down next to her, "We'd get rather unstable without you. That's why our team works, Starfire pulls Robin out of his Slade obsession long enough to be a good leader. Cyborg is unquestionably loyal and a good listener, which as both heroes and teenagers is unbelievably important. Then there's us. I try and make you smile, you try to keep me in line. We balance each other out."

She looked at him in the eyes. "And here I thought we didn't like each other, I mean you do drive me crazy and the vice versa is true I'm sure."

He smiled sadly and his gaze matched her own. "With our lifestyle psychosis is the only rational way to survive."

"I'm confused. You're both comforting me and calling me insane..."

Beast Boy grinned and leaned back on his free hand. "Hey, we're having a moment here, don't ruin it."

For the first time in a long time, Raven laughed.

* * *

Slade Wilson had found being someone else's pawn a humbling experience. Serving as an interdimensional demon's minion had taught him a few things about himself. By the time the ordeal was over one thing became overwhelmingly clear. He needed a break. He was burned out, tired, and needed time to plan his official return. Now however he found his ambitions had been postponed.

Having had his entire estate destroyed along with his body in his last apprentice's betrayal, Slade now found himself in a monetary predicament. Beforehand his megalomaniacal efforts had been financed by his generous inheritance and trust funds. Now he needed to become a self made man. An army of seemingly endless martial arts trained androids doesn't pay for itself.

Currently Slade sat in his newest hideout, a two room studio apartment overlooking a porno theater in one of Jump City's more sordid sections, the best he could afford on his meagre salary. Sadly it seemed near successful world domination attempts and a lifetime of combat training didn't count for much in an office setting. In the end he'd found only one that would hire him without a resume or verifiable diploma where he could work from home. At least it was evil.

"Hello Mr. Johnson? Do you have a moment to discuss your opinions on the merits of coal heating?" A firm click and dial tone rang in his headset as Slade frowned and added One Walter F. Johnson of 18 Pemberly Street to the list of people to kill when he came back. So far the numbers looked like genocide.

The job was not without its perks however. Everyday at precisely 6:30pm he would call Titans Tower, using the number made available by Beast Boy's Game Informer Subscription, just in time to catch Robin sitting down to his rigorously scheduled mealtime. Slade would wait from his adversary's voice and then hang up giggling.

Slade was just about to move on to Everett Joseph of 36 Timberland Road when he felt a moist rag go over his face. He felt suddenly lightheaded. Then he felt nothing. Just warmth and blackness

* * *

Robin stood enthralled as Starfire came through the door. The girl had done little different with her appearance, but would have loved to garner the sort of reaction the boy's face now wore. This was not such an occasion.

The message that was playing was in a voice remembered clearly from his days fighting alongside Batman. Strong, diplomatic and to the point, recording had done little to mask the Man of Steel's eloquence. "Your Team has been selected to take part in the Mentored Young Justice Movement in the hopes of training a better posterity of super-heroes." Superman's voice said, "Each of you has been assigned a relevant instructor based on your powers and personality in order to teach you better control and strategy for the years ahead. We hope today's retreat, coincidentally beginning at noon, will be conducive to the learning experience. By the way, Robin? This will self-destruct in 10 seconds so back away."

The masked teen was immediately struck by several things: the fact Batman had neglected to inform him of this development; the fact Superman apparently knew he was the only one anal enough to actually check the messages; the impossibility of his answering machine having suddenly become a bomb; and finally, the disproof of that last thought when he was hit upside the head by a particularly hot lump of plastic and metal.

It was going to be a long day

* * *

A/N- Hey everybody, this is my first attempt at both Teen Titans fan fiction and a normally chaptered story. (If you've read my Avatar fic "One Day At A Time" you'll see what I mean) This is an idea I've had brewing in my head for awhile and I genuinely like what I've written here. I'm a pretty harsh judge of my own writing. I'm not sure how long it'll be between updates but I'll try and be pretty consistent. I'd like to thank you in advance for any and all reviews and I'd like to send out a challenge: I have ideas I really like for Beast Boy, Robin and Raven's mentors, but I need some help for Cyborg and Starfire. Any DC comic characters you can think of. Thanks.


	2. Meetings

Chapter 2

"Oh Sladey!"

The piercing laugh was the first thing that broke through the chloroform fog. Slade blinked and found himself in a dark room, a single ceiling lamp swaying above his head providing the only light. Whoever had spoken was just out of his line of sight. His thoughts still unclear, he realized mask had been removed. He tried moving his arms, but the moment he tried, he triggered mechanized locks that bound him in place.

"It seems you're down in the dumps boy-o; and let me just say, I think its something of a midlife crisis."

Slade could feel something come to rest on the top of his head. Instinctively he attempted to move away from the pressure, but wound up setting off more restraints, locking him completely in place. Paralyzed and furious, Slade stopped struggling.

"But before you go buying the Ferrari…" The voice said, this time right in his ear. "Let me make a little suggestion." There was the sound of scampering feet.

The lights suddenly came on and Slade was forced to squint as his single blue eye adjusted to the change. The sound of movement came closer and faster. As his vision finally cleared he could see a tall, thin man dressed in a purple and green baseball uniform running at him, metal bat at the ready.

"Don't you think it's time you stopped playing LITTLE LEAGUE!!!!" The Joker cackled as his swing connected with the baseball on top of Slade's head. As the ball went flying the clown prince of crime clutched at his sides with laughter. Slade felt his metal restraints release.

"Oh I kill me…" The Joker chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Funny…" Slade said, moving a hand through his short blonde hair, "I was thinking I'd help out." His arm shot forward as he took hold the clown by the throat.

"Everyone's a critic." The clown choked. "But hey, If you can't take a joke, blame Lex. It was his idea."

There was the sound of a door closing. Slade looked up and saw a tall, bald man in a business suit walk toward him. "Well, I suppose that's one way to get an introduction." Lex Luthor sighed, hands deep in his pockets.

* * *

After Robin had updated the team, the five titans had gone around trying to make the tower more presentable. Each had eventually come to the conclusion it was a hopeless venture and simply returned to the common area. Despite their best efforts, their eyes kept wandering back toward the clock- counting down the minutes till noon.

"Anyone else feel like a contestant on a seriously warped version of "The Dating Game"?" Beast Boy asked. The shape shifter was leaning back in his chair, his feet resting on the dinner table.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cyborg asked from his seat on the couch.

"I mean think about it: a bunch of teenagers running around in spandex? We're the jail-bait of the superhero universe!"

"That's just sick and wrong…" Robin groaned. Waving the knife, with which he was preparing the ingredients of his protein shake, for emphasis he continued, "How could you even think of construing our friends and allies as a bunch of perverts?"

"…Says the guy who spent years sliding up and down poles with an older man in neon undies…" Cyborg murmured, his real eye widening as he made the connection.

"Leave my old costume out of this!"

"But Beast Boy," Starfire prompted hopefully, "Surely it is not also possible you could gain some sort of life-altering experience today?"

The changeling smirked, "If I get paired with Wonder Woman. God I hope so."

"Okay, ignoring your hormones for a second here." Raven scowled, looking up from her book, "Les Chants De Maldoror", "Since when does Wonder Woman shape shift into animals?"

"Hey some people don't need powers to be a total fox."

"Don't make me hurt you."

* * *

"Your concern," Slade grimaced and released the Joker from his death grip, "No matter how misplaced, is touching. But it isn't needed." Scowling the mastermind moved to walk out the door.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Luthor asked, holding up Slade's signature mask. "Do you know what this is?"

"Of course," He seethed, "I made it." Slade reached to take his missing armor back only to find it snatched away.

"It's not just an object." Lex continued, "It's a symbol, an identity and right now you aren't worthy of it." He dropped the mask to the ground to accentuate his speech. "You've lost your touch." He said with a smirk.

"What do you want?" Slade responded, the insult stinging.

"We're going to rebuild you. The whole better, stronger, faster schpeel."

"Save it." Slade growled, "Get past the Machiavelli bullshit and tell me what's in this for you."

"You started as a mercenary Slade," Luthor said calmly. He gestured over to the room's small table with three chairs. The group sat down. "We're going back to square one. I'm hiring you for the biggest job you've ever undertaken. Succeed and I fund your glorious return."

"And then you get to decide if you want to keep playing pin the tail on the bat brat-" the Joker grinned, unused to remaining quiet for so long.

"Or if you want to stay and play with the big boys." His partner finished. He stared at Slade unblinkingly. His focus and confidence were unnerving.

Slade's one eye narrowed. "What's the job?"

Luthor smiled. "Baptism by fire, my friend." He said, leaning across the table. "You go one round, toe to toe, with the big, blue boy scout."

* * *

Superman arrived at the Tower at exactly 11:59 AM. As the Titans stood at attention, he once again briefed them on the situation. The clock struck twelve. Six pairs of eyes flew to the door. Hearts began racing. As each second grew into an eternity the teens grew more and more anxious. No one spoke.

12:01

12:02

At 12:03 Robin coughed awkwardly.

At exactly 12:07 PM the doorbell rang. Superman walked toward the door with a slight twinge of annoyance offsetting his ideal brow. The portal opened and all the titans leaned to see a medium sized man wearing blue and orange spandex, a large letter "A" emblazoned on the chest, partially covered by a blue jacket. He grinned as if embarrassed in Superman's presence and scratched his blonde hair good-naturedly. "Hi, sorry I'm late."

'That's what you get for resorting to Justice League Europe members.' Superman reminded himself. Turning back to the Titan's with no sign of his internal reverie, the man of steel beamed. "Beast Boy, I'd like you to meet Animal Man."

Animal Man walked forward and went to shake the shape shifter's hand. "If it's all the same, you can call me "Buddy"."

Beast Boy grinned uncomfortably, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

* * *

A/N- Hey everyone! I'm really excited about the response to the first chapter and hope this second one has been a decent follow up. I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing and even more so for the quality reviews I have received. The suggestions and commentary that people have been writing are exactly why I love this site so much. I'll try to have the next chapter out soon, next week at the latest.

Props to the reviewers who for saw Animal Man as Beast Boy's mentor. I'm a big Grant Morrison fan and I loved his run on the series. There'll be background on the character (whose name really is Buddy by the way) next chapter as well as whatever wacky things I feel like putting in.

(Oh and don't worry about Beast Boy. Despite his paranoia, no one's interested in molesting him.)


	3. Ragnarok

**Chapter 3**

"Wait, wait, wait," Beast Boy groaned in frustration, "What do you mean you don't shape shift?" His voice rang out over the murmuring conversations of the pizzeria's other patrons.

Animal Man shifted in his seat. His mask was pulled off his face, revealing the good-natured 30-year-old underneath. His blue eyes were piercing, and his face had the beginnings of a 5 O'clock shadow coming in. A pair of earbuds hung from around his neck. He bit into his slice of vegan pizza topped with olives and mushrooms and gave his protégé a thoughtful look. "Umm… It's just not my thing?"

"Listen," The teen continued, "I don't want to sound rude or anything, but I don't really get your relevance here. I mean, if you don't have the same powers as me, how can you possibly help me use mine better?"

"You know," Animal Man said with a sigh, "You're right." He took a look around to see if there was anyone watching them. He then reached for the pizza cutter and with a quick breath cut the fingers of his left hand off.

* * *

Back at the tower the remaining titans attempted to keep their cool. Robin worked out to distract himself. Cyborg made a meat based lunch to compensate for Beast Boy's absence. Starfire admired the pictures in a fashion magazine, making a mental note to drag Raven to the mall one of these days; and Raven herself just stared blankly at Superman

Amazingly, though able to stand up to nuclear warheads and strong enough to lift the entire earth on his shoulders, the Man of Steel found himself buckling under the bored gaze of a teenage girl. 'Does she want me to say something?' He wondered, 'I mean I don't want to be rude. I should at least attempt conversation.'

"So," Superman grinned, as he looked Raven over, "Do you like the Bauhaus?"

Raven's expression didn't change. "God, you need to get out more."

Superman sighed and retreated back to his position by the door. He frowned, 'Lois says the same thing.'

* * *

"Umm… Now this small, insignificant detail may have passed you by." Slade growled, "But, as difficult a man as I am to kill, I don't have superpowers…not anymore anyway."

Both Luthor and the Joker groaned loudly over the other villain's faux pas. "What?!" Slade shouted, "How is that an illegitimate concern?"

"Me-thinks the lady doth protest too much." The Joker grinned, sharpening his long acid green nails with a vermillion nail file.

"Come on now," Luthor said coldly, "That is exactly the attitude that has caused mankind to bow down to the monsters and tyrants of this world."

"Says the man who's been to jail how many times?" Slade scoffed, "I've had enough of your holier than thou attitude. I have no delusions about what it is I do. I've done terrible things in my life either for money or for revenge, and I know I'm not alone. You want to talk about monsters? You're standing in a room full of them."

"Everything I've done is to show humanity that they don't need _him_, that they've never needed him. I am going to give mankind its soul back; the human spark and divine ambition that the ubermensch's of the world take from us. His very existence demoralizes our entire species, he makes us feel inadequate to solve our own problems." Luthor finished bitterly, "I can't even begin to think of a more noble cause than a world without a Superman."

Slade backed off, sensing this was a rather touchy subject. "Be that as it may, I also have no delusions about how long I'd last against a man who can turn coal into diamonds with his bare hands."

"And that's why we have this." Luthor smirked. The Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a little case not unlike a ring box. Luthor handed it to Slade. "Are you much for literature?"

Slade opened the box, and found himself staring at the glittering green crystal inside.

"As Borges once wrote, 'We drew our heavy revolvers-'" Luthor started.

" 'And exultantly killed the gods.'" Slade finished.

* * *

As blood began spurting from the stumps on Animal Man's hands, Beast Boy panicked. "Oh shit!" He poured out his drink on the restaurant floor and started to grab the fingers and pack them in the ice from his soda. "Someone call an ambulance!!"

"Beast Boy?" Animal Man said grinningly, holding out his wounded hand so the teen could see.

"WHAT?!" He yelled in frustration. He stopped. He could only stare in awe as Animal Man's fingers grew back. "Oh my god… What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?" Buddy laughed, "Superman said you were the titan who could take a joke."

"Well yes, but self-mutilation, even when temporary, is a far cry from dirty limericks. How did you do that anyway?"

"Earthworms regenerate when damaged," He smiled, "You should have been there when I first figured that one out- had to grow back my entire arm."

"So you have earthworm powers…" Beast Boy said, confused.

"So I have the power to use the abilities of any animal... I had a run in with some aliens when I was 18. Technically they killed me, or something, it's hard to explain. They rebuilt me from a template and now I can tap into the earth's morphogenetic fields- they're like the collective energy of all our planet's life. I wasn't even aware that I'd died and then I was back."

"I'm still not entirely sure what that has to do with me. All this morpho-whatever stuff sounds great but my powers come from an injection of mixed animal DNA."

"I read your file. But I think that origin needs to be rethought."

"My parents saved me from a terminal illness, what are you talking about?"

"Beast Boy, if your powers stem from animal DNA how are you able to transform into a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Jurassic Park aside, dinosaur DNA has never been extracted from fossil sources successfully. How are you able to talk in amoeba form when you have no lungs or vocal chords? I think it's the same way I'm able to fly without wings."

"You're saying aliens rewrote me?" The changeling said incredulously.

"I'm just saying it's a possibility. There's also the possibility of some guy playing dice with the universe. And if you're willing I'm ready to try and help you master your powers. Its all about applying what you know about animals to a given situation. If you let it, it can be pretty fun.

"Listen man, I don't know…"

"Did you know possums have two penises?" Animal Man added, nonchalantly.

Beast Boy embraced him, "Teach me!"

* * *

The quiet inside the tower was broken by the sound of screeching tires and squealing brakes. A yellow cab rocketed through the doors of Titan's tower and skidded to a halt in the center of the team's living room.

"God freaking damn it John!" The driver screamed as he ran out of the car, "You can't do that. One second we're driving through Glasgow and then poof we're crashing into a giant T. You have to warn me about this sort of thing."

"Chas, if I warned you," Grinned a blonde man in a tan trench coat as he stepped out from the Taxi, "Where would the fun be?"

The newcomer pulled a pack of Silk Cut cigarettes from his coat, and lit up as his walked toward Superman. "Blue Boy, how are ya?"

Superman noticeably soured at the man's arrival. "Raven, say hello to your mentor: John Constantine."

As Raven walked forward, John smirked, "I feel a statutory coming on."

* * *

"Hang on." Beast Boy said as the pair got up to leave the restaurant. "We can't just leave your severed fingers here!"

"Good point." Animal Man frowned pensively, "Feel up for some Wendy's Chili?"

Beast Boy grinned evilly, "I think I'm going to enjoy this after all."

* * *

A/N- Yikes, sorry about the little over a month of absence. I got caught up in school and then spring break. I hope some of you are still looking forward to this. Cause I'm still enjoying writing it. I hope my Fanboyish tendencies didn't ruin this chapter. I'll try and have the next one out fairly soon.

Oh and by the way Archer, I think you're confusing B'wana Beast with Animal Man. Indeed that is a disturbing costume. Pretty cool powers though.

Also, I'm not sure how many comic fans I have in my audience, but I was at the comic shop yesterday and came across the first issue of Raven's solo series. Is anyone else bothered by the tagline "Finally in her own EMO series"?

* * *


End file.
